Well Here I am in my special place writing. Have you ever been disappointed in someones actions and not been able to tell them. Because when it all comes down to it you seem to care more about their feelings than they do about yours. Well that's the case here.
I have a very special someone in my life. I really care what he thinks and I listen to everything he has to say. In other words I believe him fully with no doubt. He always tells me that he would never do anything to hurt me. And he tells me he hates more than any thing to disappoint me. Well in fact he has disappointed me many times and has hurt my feelings many times. I just keep on believing in him. Why I don't really know other than I do love him. Hey you if you ever get smart enough to find your way over here to this place. The promise that you would read my other blog religiously. Well you have been gone for what two weeks going on three. You haven't so much as stopped in and said BOO! Was that a lie? Was all those things you told me on the phone about how great it was just a line to feed me? Well thanks for keeping your word. I guess you are just to busy with your day to day to just stop in and say hello. Thanks for being my best friend.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Somewhere out there
Somewhere out there is a person that feels the same as I do. Don't get me wrong but there are times when I really feel alone and there is no one that understands me. I have lived a life of compassion and empathy to others. I have been a best friend to some that just used my friendship for a while until they found what they were looking for. As for family I have been the one that everyone calls when they need some one dependable. I have over the years gave and gave and never asked for anything in return other than a true friendship, like me for who I am, and laugh with me now but when it gets rough and I need that shoulder to lean on be there as I was for you.
However all the years that I have gotten phone calls from so called friends at 5am in the morning. With that "oh can you come pick me up I left my car at the bar". Or "I need someone to talk to about this guy I am dating". There are hundreds of them and I have heard them all!!
But like some poor puppy I always believed these people were my friends. And time after time they would only need me when they were drained of energy and needed some of mine. These friends I call energy vampire's. Yes the suck all your energy from you. You start off feeling great and by the time you leave them you feel like you are exhausted. These are the ones that are always full of drama. And they most of the time don't want you to have any other friends but them. And they don't want you to be happy unless they are happy.
So I believe Somewhere out there is a person that really knows how to be a true friend. And maybe one day I'll find that person.
Now moving to the next ramble. Relationships wow this is a great one also. Just how many of you have ever been involved with some one that you thought was the greatest and you just knew this person knew how you felt and cared for you as you did them? Well yet another wake up call for me. Just as soon as I have thought I have seen and heard everything something else pops up and I don't want to say shocks me but it rattles me some.
After a real bad marriage I decided to build up a wall and not let men in to close so they would hurt me. Well it doesn't work. I don't care how hard you think you can be. It's doesn't work. They find the cracks and they get in. They are so sweet and caring and call you ten times a Day with the " hey babe I just call to see how your day is going". And the "I just wanted to hear your voice". All these so called little things that are done in relationships that make you feel so special and make you open up and just let go. You find that in a year or two they no longer exist. Then phone calls stop the times they stop and get you flowers just because they was thinking of you at the moment stop. The little notes stop and yes opening the door stops too. Not to say the times when you are laying with them in bed and they use to gaze into your eyes, and run there fingers threw your hair, and tell you that they love you. Well they just don't do that any more either. What is it about the attention span? Or is it they just get bored? Maybe it's all a game just to catch some one they thought they wanted and once they got them then the thrill is now over?
I know there is someone somewhere out there that feels the same way. I quit telling my self that one day there is going to be some one that will walk into my life and just sweep me off my feet. Make me feel special like the special person I am.
I am beginning to think there is no such thing. I am starting to believe that there are people that are meant to be alone in life and was born to just be unhappy and used by every person to come along. And if this is so then I must be one of those people.
I have lived and loved with all I had. Treated others like I wanted to be treated and frankly is doesn't work. And no one really gives to royal shits about any one anyway. It's all about what they can get without having to give or do much. So in the whole scheme of things when it all comes down to the nitty gritty does it rally matter? No I think not. Five or ten years from now or even less every word that was express by me; every feeling I have showed, and every emotion I have shared will not matter. It won't even be remembered. So why do I write this you ask.
Because somewhere out there is someone that feels the same as me........
And now you don't have to feel alone.......
However all the years that I have gotten phone calls from so called friends at 5am in the morning. With that "oh can you come pick me up I left my car at the bar". Or "I need someone to talk to about this guy I am dating". There are hundreds of them and I have heard them all!!
But like some poor puppy I always believed these people were my friends. And time after time they would only need me when they were drained of energy and needed some of mine. These friends I call energy vampire's. Yes the suck all your energy from you. You start off feeling great and by the time you leave them you feel like you are exhausted. These are the ones that are always full of drama. And they most of the time don't want you to have any other friends but them. And they don't want you to be happy unless they are happy.
So I believe Somewhere out there is a person that really knows how to be a true friend. And maybe one day I'll find that person.
Now moving to the next ramble. Relationships wow this is a great one also. Just how many of you have ever been involved with some one that you thought was the greatest and you just knew this person knew how you felt and cared for you as you did them? Well yet another wake up call for me. Just as soon as I have thought I have seen and heard everything something else pops up and I don't want to say shocks me but it rattles me some.
After a real bad marriage I decided to build up a wall and not let men in to close so they would hurt me. Well it doesn't work. I don't care how hard you think you can be. It's doesn't work. They find the cracks and they get in. They are so sweet and caring and call you ten times a Day with the " hey babe I just call to see how your day is going". And the "I just wanted to hear your voice". All these so called little things that are done in relationships that make you feel so special and make you open up and just let go. You find that in a year or two they no longer exist. Then phone calls stop the times they stop and get you flowers just because they was thinking of you at the moment stop. The little notes stop and yes opening the door stops too. Not to say the times when you are laying with them in bed and they use to gaze into your eyes, and run there fingers threw your hair, and tell you that they love you. Well they just don't do that any more either. What is it about the attention span? Or is it they just get bored? Maybe it's all a game just to catch some one they thought they wanted and once they got them then the thrill is now over?
I know there is someone somewhere out there that feels the same way. I quit telling my self that one day there is going to be some one that will walk into my life and just sweep me off my feet. Make me feel special like the special person I am.
I am beginning to think there is no such thing. I am starting to believe that there are people that are meant to be alone in life and was born to just be unhappy and used by every person to come along. And if this is so then I must be one of those people.
I have lived and loved with all I had. Treated others like I wanted to be treated and frankly is doesn't work. And no one really gives to royal shits about any one anyway. It's all about what they can get without having to give or do much. So in the whole scheme of things when it all comes down to the nitty gritty does it rally matter? No I think not. Five or ten years from now or even less every word that was express by me; every feeling I have showed, and every emotion I have shared will not matter. It won't even be remembered. So why do I write this you ask.
Because somewhere out there is someone that feels the same as me........
And now you don't have to feel alone.......
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